When I grow up..
..I wanna be an indie kid.
I have this vivid image in my mind of how I’m going to be when I’m in my 20s; or when I’m an adult. I think my hair will be managed, cut neat and very presentable. I know that I am gonna wear a lot of brown colored clothing, mostly sweater vests, brown ties, blazers, aviator sunglasses etc. And also some pointy shoes too, the kind that sophisticated rockers wear.(Love those!)
I probably wont smoke, but I’ll drink plenty of Jack Daniels and whiskey. I’ll live in a loft with elegant rustic furniture and statues of greek gods in the corners. My art studio will be colorful with photos and posters strewn over the walls. I will hang out in cafes and work in a retail book store. I will attend many underground indie shows and help promote local bands, stapling fliers on telephone poles and trees.
I’d wear alot of dress shirts, but still have full tattoo sleeves on both my arms, idk of what though. I am going to have 2 large healthy German shepherds; Handsome and Ginger. I will love them with all my heart.
Never shared this with anybody before, and it’s also the first entry in a journal I just barely started. Enjoy.
So so sooooo Daniel’s birthday is on wednesday, and I will most definitely make a guest appearance at school to wish him a happy one. He better be there! On saturday night I had this dream where I walked into my bedroom and Daniel was laying on his stomach, on my bed, in only his boxer breifs. They were blue. lol
Anyway, he was on a laptop and I walked up to him, totally staring at his ass, mmmmmmm ahhhhhhhand he was just talking to me about something, he didnt even care that I was staring! Like he was used to it or something.. Perhaps in the dream we were boyfriends?
Regardless, It was nice and I wont question it. But Oh my effing damn he was so sexy… that ass…with only that thin layer of fabric keeping me from seeing it.. uhh..hehe Im making myself sound all horny. In any case l I really hope I get to see Daniel; I know it may depress me in the long run seeing him after so long, but he’s been on my mind a hell of a lot lately. Especially on the weekend, he was on my mind very much. I reminisced, which was stupid to do. It’s illogical, but I’m only human… I hope I don’t get an erection when I see him! lol I’ll write what happens :)
Thank you! I quite like your little daily vignettes --especially the one put to "Say Yes". What a great song : D
Actually they’re random entries in my journals, and theres about 500 more to come.
The love life #2
I wake up in a fog of quiet pensiveness, laying on my side, staring at the morning sun’s light on white wall. The other side of my bed is empty.
I picture an attractive, drowsy boy across from me, smiling at me lovingly. And then I smile for a moment too. And I reach over to him.
I reach over, and touch the empty side of the bed. I let my hand rest there. The room somehow gets even more quiet. I sigh, then frown.
I’m in love with the world through the eyes of a girl
New day, refreshed and ready to be astounded by the overlooked pretty things in my everyday life.And plus, it’s like totally gorgeous outside too!! :D That means I gotta open the blinds.
One of my most bestest friends recently told me she was pregnant, and I was in shock, naturally, then overjoyed. She’s having a baby! I’m so happy for her. And since we’re gonna be living together I’m gonna get to be like the kid’s uncle or something. Dunno if aiding with raising a child is gonna stress me out in the end, but I’m more than willing to lend a helping hand or two. This will prove to be most exciting!
*Maybe I’ll teach the kid reverse psychology? I’m still debating on that.
Interpret this forest, brother of mine!
Come and dance naked under the willow trees with me, for we are wolves tonight! We will exchange valentines cards and talk about what we will name our children.
Then it will start raining and we will lay on our backs, on the ground in the shape of a heart.
And we will giggle uncontrollably til you lean over and kiss me on the cheek. Then I will place my hand over my cheek and smile at you in disbelief, since you like me now,I think.
This is the part where you run away laughing and I tackle you, and howl like a madman! And you howl too,because that’ what we do.
Then we proceed to kissing and sloppy groping, and even more howling, howlin’ in this soft downpour.
This morning I woke up sort of lost, and I didn’t feel like doing much of anything today. So I got on the internet for a bit.. Then I got up and finally, after weeks of lethargy and moping, I decided to color and write in my journal. I listened to upbeat music and I was in a great mood.
THEN, Frank told me some stuff, stuff that made me think of Nayeli, and stuff that made me feel like I was/am going to burn in hell for all eternity. And those are two of less than 10 things that bring me immense sorrow.
I immediately put away all of my art supplies and retreated into myself. And I stayed there all the rest of the day. I didn’t talk or eat or move. I just sat there like statue carved by a weeping artist. The world around me fell away, and for hours it was all car accidents and Nayeli’s funeral, and me burning in hell forever, and her burning in hell forever, and that’s too much for me to handle. way too much.
Remembered vividly, missed always.
No more school. The nostalgia for it has already set in and I still don’t know what the fink I’m supposed to do with all of this god-forsaken free time, seeing as how I have no car, and no spending money.
Ahh yes, the joys of young adulthood. I… miss school :(
The Love life.
Well I’m still alone, and my relationship status is looming over me, like a parent about to beat their child. I understand perfectly that I don’t need to be with someone to be happy, and that i don’t need to be with another person to feel complete.
It’s just sometimes I have moments where I feel so alone, depressed, and insecure. And I know that If I had a special somebody to hold, hug, and support me then I wouldn’t ever get this way. So I’m hoping to meet that special somebody soon, …to have a name to draw in a heart, and arms to fall asleep in on cool winter nights. I believe that I am ready know what love feels like. I think and feel like my lack of a love life is going to change for the better very soon…
And I can hardly wait
A word on Trevor.
Trevor. Trevor. Trevor.
Were you born this attractive? Or did it develop gradually? Trevor is a little taller than me, a natural blonde (I assume), with an emo/ skaterish look. His pale eyes make my heart dance. He is very skinny- well, his legs are very skinny. He wears super tight pants too. Normally anyone as thin as he is should not wear pants as tight as those, but somehow he manages to still look good.. and I can’t get enough of him! He walks around the school in a bit of a strut, masculine, but it seems like it’s not a normal walk. Like he’s trying too hard. Maybe he’s a closet case? Perhaps. If he is, the hell yes.
His dark blonde hair is gone, it is now platinum blonde and I am absolutely a fan of it. I wish I could grow a pair so that I could initiate a friendship with the boy.. but alas, I will once again have to settle with watching yearningly from afar.